Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Here's to Life

So the last few weeks have been...interesting. First of all nothing has happened with Roberto, so sorry to anyone who got their hopes up. I'm sorry but I got sick of being the one initiating everything. I don't want to be the one doing all the work in a relationship, so goodbye Roberto.
Now let me share a...I guess funny story. So a couple of weeks ago I wasn't having a very good day. This day happened to be a Saturday, which are kind of the bane of my existence sometimes. My day started out well with time at the temple, and I'm glad that I had that time of spirituality because after that my day went downhill. After the temple I went to work at the chocolate factory. It was the Saturday just before Valentine's day and it was surprisingly slow, and when it's slow at work I have a lot of time to think, sometime too much time to think, and when I think it's usually a bad thing. Well it was the week after my big date and I hadn't heard from Roberto, and I had even tried inviting him to a game night, but nothin'. So I was trying to figure out what I did to scare this boy away because that seems to be my M.O. Well I was getting depressed and them my boss Ben came in to the store for a minute. Ben is the one who set me up with Roberto, and Ben is determined to get me married off. He also thinks that I should do everything, not really but sometimes it feels that way.. Anyway Ben came in and I was telling him how upset I was. Does this make me sound like a baby? I really don't understand the whole relationship thing, I'm trying to, but I seem to just make a mess out of nothing. I'm not desperate either, well maybe a little bit. Give me a break I'm going through a hard time. Which brings me to what made my day even better. So after talking to Ben and him making me cry, I left work to go decorate heart shaped cookies with Kymn, her boyfriend and her family. Well after cookies Kymn and I were supposed to go ring shopping. Well there ended up being a slight change of plans. Kymn's boyfriend decided he wanted to come along. So now it was me and the happy couple. Well we ended up at the mall and while they were choosing rings I decided to wander off for a minute because I felt very out of place. Well when I wandered back into the jewelry store I ran into another one of my best friends looking at rings with her new fiancee. Now I'm happy for both of my friends but it was not a good day for me to find out that two of my best friends are getting married, and one of them is the person I was supposed to be moving in with in June, which apparently isn't happening now. Anyway after I ran into Erika I had to go wander off again. I ended up in a corner of Barnes and Noble trying to hide my puffy eyes behind a book. It wasn't until Kymn text me that I went out of hiding and wandered back to the jewelry store. Russ was purchasing a ring as I walked in and Erika came over to talk to me. After that Russ took Kymn and I out to dinner. I'm pretty sure he felt bad for me. When we got to the restaurant there was about a half hour wait and I had left my phone in his car so I went back to his car and I just broke down and sat on the curb and cried. Luckily Kymn was there to comfort me.
It's stupid that being single bugs me as much as it does, but I think I'm just frustrated with the fact that I'm in my twenties and have never had a boyfriend. Plus it gets annoying being the third wheel all the time. I don't mind hanging out with my friends and their boyfriends but sometimes it can get awkward being there, even though they claim they want me to hang out with them, sometimes I feel like I'm intruding and that they're just trying to be nice because they feel bad for me.
I'm trying to see the positive in this.
So here's a list of reasons why it is great being single (Some of these may be a bit irrational but I'm trying to make myself feel better ;) ):
  • Being single means you don't have anything or anyone holding you back. If I had a boyfriend or was married there is no way I would be going to England in May. 
  • Since I don't have anyone depending on me I can be spontaneous and take a road trip to anywhere if I wanted. 
  • I don't have to check in with anyone. 
  • I only have to pay for one at the movies, at dinner, whatever. 
  • I don't have to worry about what my significant other is doing or if he is cheating on me or doing something stupid.
  • I can flirt with whomever I want.
  • I don't have to share anything with anyone.
  • I can look at hot guys and fantasize about them.
  • I can cry at a movie and not have my boyfriend make fun of me.
  • I can watch all of my Jane Austen and other sappy romance movies without a guy complaining.
  • I can be myself and not have anyone judge me or try to change me.
  • I can travel, go to school, do pretty much whatever I choose without having to compromise.
  • I don't have to compromise.
  • I can have a cardboard cutout of Legolas in my bedroom ;) yes I still have him, and Edward too.
Some of these may a bit irrational and things that I would probably never do but they are some awesome things about being single. I know I'm not ready to get married but I'm going through a slump at the moment but just because relationships aren't working out for me right now doesn't mean that other things shouldn't work out.
In May I will be graduating, then I'll be going to London for two weeks, then I'll be working all summer to save money so I can move to Salt Lake with my friend Allison, fingers crossed. This is just one trial I have to work through and I know someday, in the Lord's time, I will eventually find a man who will love me and treat me like a queen. Until then I will enjoy being single and seeing the world.

If you think of any other reasons why it is awesome to be single please comment and share. I need more reasons to love being single.


Amanda Raybould said...

My advice? Move out of Utah!!!! No offense to all the great guys here.. but they are useless at dating unless you "fit the mold."

Miss Jessie said...

My sister will second that. I'm really considering Graduate school back East...Maybe I should go sooner than I originally planned...

jessica renae said...

okay, darling. here are some things i miss about being single (that i didn't anticipate and therefore make the loosing a little more bitter):
1. you can spend your money however you darn well want. if you wanna go buy a new shirt even though you can't justify it - you CAN! if you want to go out to ice cream four times in five days. guess what? IT'S YOUR DECISION! :D
2. you can pursue your dreams at the expense of no one. before i got engaged, i was scheming up going to hair school after i graduated from byu (weird, i know, but i wanted to so much!). now, although there are a ton of things i'd love to do like that, it's more urgent that my husband gets through school. enjoy doing EVERYTHING you want to do, because someday, you'll combine your dreams with someone and some will get put on the way back burner.
3. you can do whatever you want with your car. you never realize how hard coordinating one car between two people is until you have to every single day.

i won't keep going because this is really getting long, but i can give you more.. if you want them ;)

also. trust that there WILL be someone who won't judge you for crying, for watching romantic movies, and keeping legolas in your bedroom. heck, i bet he'll probably watch the movies with you and put sticky notes saying "i love you, jessie" on legolas' card board face. really.

also i miss you. :)

jessica renae said...

*losing. obnoxious typo. i shouldn't ever use that word.

Miss Jessie said...

Jessi, I hope there is someone out there who will sit and watch those movies with me, and even play LotR Trivial Pursuit with me. I would be in heaven then. I miss you too. I should come down to Texas and visit you sometime. I am free to travel whenever I want. And thanks for more reasons to enjoy being single ;)

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry, Jessie. Sounds really sucky. I'm a huge fan of just letting yourself cry and be depressed and mope about it for awhile. That's the real way to move on with your life rather than trying to pretend something doesn't bother you when it really does. It doesn't make sense to me how some people get married so easily, and it takes so long for others. I know it has nothing to do with someone's level of righteousness or level of beauty or personality. ANYONE can get a boyfriend and get married. It's getting a boyfriend/husband who you actually really like and are compatible with is the trick. And as much as we like to think we have tons of control over it, we don't. We really don't. Sometimes it seems so arbitrary.

Anyway, here are some things I miss about being single/some annoying things about marriage:

1. I miss having lots of time to myself. I actually love when Ethan goes away for a few days because I don't have to clean if I don't want to, but I also can keep the house clean because he's not around. I can watch whatever movies I want, eat whatever I want, and I get better sleep. Seriously, it can be difficult to share a bed with someone (especially if he snores).

2. When you're married, your husband has an input on how things are decorated and how things are done. Husbands can be too practical and don't care about making things "pretty." It's annoying.

3. When you're married, you have to fight a bit for your independence. It's hard to not lose your identity to this new person.

4. When you're married, you fight. Even in the best marriages, you'll fight. It can be really emotionally draining. Also, you have to help your spouse with his needs, too, and that is difficult. Sometimes you just can't help or just get annoyed, and you feel like you're in bondage. Anyway, a lot more emotional baggage to deal with when you're married.

I really wish I had been single longer because I think it would've given me a greater level of confidence in myself. I think it would've helped see that I am capable of being independent and living on my own and taking care of myself. I think I would've learned to value who I am independent of whether or not some guy is attracted to me. Not that what you're going through isn't a real trial, but you're right to see the positive things in it. This life is about you and embracing what you want out of it. You can make it awesome no matter what!

Amie said...

Enjoy being able to go anywhere, do anything you want to do without having to ask someone, or pack someone up to go. Enjoy having money! Ha ha. When you get married it seems like it's always scrunching. If I was still single I'd be saving my money and putting some away to go shopping! Enjoy the body you have now too - when you have babies it will never be the same. I didn't like my body before I had kids, but now I wish I would have enjoyed it while I had it. You never know what you have until it's gone, right? Jessie, being married is awesome, but it comes with it's down times too, just like being single does. The key is to try and be happy no matter where you are at in life. And boy do I have a hard time with that! Sometimes I envy you single ladies. :)

The Dawg, Lib-Dawg said...

Blah, blah, blah! Really Jessie? You are in your EARLY 20's. You have nothing to cry about!!!! I told you that you put yourself into the situation of going ring shopping. NO sympathy here. Think whatever you want, but seriously you are still SO STINKING YOUNG!!!!! When you are in your early 30's and not married then you can complain. I don't feel like my life sucks cause i'm not married. I have other things to worry about like graduating from school. Really, this time here on earth is just an ity bity time compared to the Lord's time. So suck it up, and move to Salt Lake - pursue a masters degree. Shoot! You are way ahead of me already. Just remember that!!! This is all said with love. :)

Miss Jessie said...

Libby, sometimes your love hurts. And I know it's stupid, and I know that I put myself in that situation, I just needed to vent for a minute. I know you can say whatever you want and I'll just take it, but when I say the same thing to you, you just get mad and tell me I have no idea what you're going through. Life is about give and take, gosh! I do like being single, it's just hard sometimes, and I know I'm still young and I'm not ready to get married. Stop being mean to me, it's not my fault. Take your own advice and just buck up!

The Dawg, Lib-Dawg said...

I have no words - I'm speechless! Just calm down, and know that I am taking your words of wisdom. I'm just a prideful person and can't humble myself to take advice from a younger more mature sister. Do you got it. Peesh - chill yo! :) It's all in love!!!!!!!!!